I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
