My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
