What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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