my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My dick has a subreddit
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
