she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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