He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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