Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i've created a new STD.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
