At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
