So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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