Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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