Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
