Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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