I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
