good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
