We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
