I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
