i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
