i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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