Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
