How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
