this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
