if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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