the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
