I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
