Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
