Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
