It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
