writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
