dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
