If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
