I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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