I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
