Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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