I wannas sexs uuuuu
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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