Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
