we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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