Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
