Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Randomize
