dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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