This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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