apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
