the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
