I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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