I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
