sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
