i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
