My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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