GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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