I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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