I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
