I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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