I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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