OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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