When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
