I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
