well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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